April 27th, 2012

I had finished my closing shift at 10:00pm and went home. I ran a bath, made myself something to eat and finished setting up the baby`s nursery. I had posted some pictures of her nursery on my facebook page and made a comment about `all we needed now was a baby`. Little did I know she heard me or somehow read my comment though my belly and took me seriously. At 1:45am I woke up to a gush and I had no idea what was going on, I was in no pain and I hadn`t been briefed on what to expect when going into labor....I mean come on, we had 2.5 months to go yet, I wasn`t too worried. I woke up my partner and we went to our local hospital where they did that ruptured membrane swab and yup, fully ruptured. So now excitement had set in for both of us, although early we were sooooo excited to meet our little girl. I was sent to another hospital in Winnipeg to get induced and where the Doctors and staff were better equipped to handle a baby with kidney problems and other possible issues. After 17 hours of labor, 25 minutes of active labor and 5 pushes, our daughter was born. They quickly rushed her off to a table where my partner (her dad) walked over to see her. I could see on the look on their faces that something wasn`t quite right, I was terrified. After cleaning her off and clearing her lungs they asked me if I wanted to see my baby, of course I said yes but there was some hesitation. Now this may upset some of you but its only the truth and my feelings in that MOMENT and until you go through something like I had, don`t judge. When my daughter was placed in front of my face I was disgusted and mad, thinking to myself `where is my baby, this can`t be it` Now that I`ve admitted to sounding like a monster please know I prayed and prayed for forgiveness in the following hours for the thoughts that I had previously. I think it was just the shock of it all. Anyways, my daughter was born with a cleft lip and palet and t wasn`t detected on any ultrasounds so it was a huge shock to us. I thought it was the end of the world. I was so upset and I was worried about what people were going to say about her, what would they say behind our backs. Little did I know, this was the least of my concerns right now......this was just the beginning to a whole new world